Multiple Sclerosis (MS) lead me to the journey of the unknown. Most with MS dream MS will stand for Mystery Solved.
I am embracing the unknown to give way to my character transformation. I lost many and those are my comfort zone.
If not I will never see the beauty of resting with Him. I am claiming His following promise:
Same as others I also came to the point of hating and tired drinking my medicines. There was the time I don’t drink it. The signs and symptoms take revenge on November 2014.
This year since I always forget my last medicine everyday, my brother taught me to have medicine case like this:
One of the knowledge I learn from MS is to stop being proud to myself. Yes I have credentials that gave entitlement I’m excellent in management. Sadly I’m not good on my medicines.
Continuously, MS keep giving me new knowledge. Like being real becomes reluctant. Unlike being fake is prevailing. I always show I am strong that I struggle not, not even to cry. But the truth is I struggle a lot and even cry.
I struggle most to relationship not to my illness. That’s why my struggle is redundant for I’m still not learning.
I must stand one man rule. Who am I, must be shown with no filter. I am still under construction, working in progress. My habits of clinging to my idol other than God must be removed. I can’t do what I know even share and preach. I can’t walk the talk. I can’t because like Lot’s wife I look back.
I may not turned to pillar of salt. It hardened my heart. It becomes heart of stone than flesh. Trusting and faith is not enough without submission and obedience. Transformation can’t be done overnight same as success.
Remove my desires LORD that is not pleasing to you. Which are not your will. I can’t be your warrior if I’m still fighting my corrupt heart.
God knows me well. He knows how hypocrite I am. Save me LORD.